Posted 6 days ago

So this one time I was really high so I got a bacon egg & cheese bagel sandwich from wawa and apparently they wanted to fuck with me so I opened it up and I didn’t realize the proportions of bacon so I bit the part with a shitload of bacon and I was like “DEAR MARY JESUS HOLY FUCK TJIS IS AMAZING” then I took a bite of the part with no bacon and then I just sat down and cried for 25 mins

Posted 2 weeks ago

So I was sleeping in my room and couldn’t get to sleep so I got up and went to my moms bed. As usual, my small dog always jumps on the bed and when my mom doesn’t want him on she kicks him off, so when I got in I slowly climbed on the bed so I didn’t wake her then once I got on she proceeded to kick me off viciously and I hit my head on the side table and that’s why I’m at the ER……

Posted 2 weeks ago

I’m so mad it wasn’t “seeks the butts of children”

Posted 2 weeks ago

I’m so mad it wasn’t “seeks the butts of children”

Posted 2 months ago
Someone can call you a false insult, but your the only one that can make it true.
JS
Posted 2 months ago

batmanstardis:

So today I totally failed my health and safety test. One of the questions was “What steps should you take in the event of a fire?” And apparently “Fuckin’ large ones” was apparently not the answer……..

Posted 2 months ago

So today I totally failed my health and safety test. One of the questions was “What steps should you take in the event of a fire?” And apparently “Fuckin’ large ones” was apparently not the answer……..

Posted 2 months ago

batmanstardis:

Ok so in math we were watching this girls favorite movie and this dick was like ” ughh this movie sucks how can you even like this movie?” and then she turned around and got up and yelled ” IM SORRY THE PEOPLE WHO CURRENTLY GIVE A SHIT ARE NOT AN AT THE PHONE RIGHT NOW, PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE “FUCK YOU”…..” And now he doesn’t talk in class anymore.

Posted 2 months ago

Ok so in math we were watching this girls favorite movie and this dick was like ” ughh this movie sucks how can you even like this movie?” and then she turned around and got up and yelled ” IM SORRY THE PEOPLE WHO CURRENTLY GIVE A SHIT ARE NOT AN AT THE PHONE RIGHT NOW, PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE “FUCK YOU”…..” And now he doesn’t talk in class anymore.

Posted 2 months ago

batmanstardis:

So since we don’t have filtered water in our fridge we have gallons and I went to get some water and I wasn’t there so I instantly knew my brother had it so I went to get it and I reached to grab it and my brother just looked at me dead in the eye and said ” I don’t need it, I don’t need it, I don’t need it, I definitely don’t need it” then I grabbed it and he screamed ” I NEEEEED IT!!!!1” then started chugging it and that’s why I can never go in my brothers room again